"Walk out the back, Jack."
"Slip off the pew, Lou."
"Hop down the aisle, Lyle."
"Go out and pray, May."
"Skip the last hymn, Jim."
"Get a head start to Cracker Barrel, Darryl."
"Pretend it’s your kid's number on the screen, Gene."
(Some churches have screens and assign every child in the nursery a number in case a parent needs to be notified.)
"Act like it's Spirit-led, Ted."
"Exit with the choir, Friar."
"Just skip the sermon, Herman."
There is one I will not repeat suggesting that someone named Lee leave to visit the rest room.
You can check out others for yourself at
My conclusion? We now officially have way too much time on our hands.